A Bank is Like No Other Business

Banks are amazing. Even when the line is out the door, literally, they feel no need to open another teller. Even Wal*Mart doesn't keep shoppers waiting so long.

Also, the local PNC branch is set in a quaint mix of colonial america and 1987 post modernism that is still baffling me 30 minutes after leaving.

From the Designer Studio

Quark xPress is a very powerful design program used for print layouts. Sadly, its spell check function is somewhere between "use a dictionary" and illiterate. Anyhow, today we learned that Quark's suggestion for webaddress ending ".org" is ORGY.

Brilliant Customer Support

Cablevision internet went out today in the middle of the work day. Their recorded message suggested checking out their website for trouble shooting. Yeah, so if ou were AAA and I was calling because my car wasn't working, you'd tell me to drive it to the nearest service station so a mechanic could diagnose the problem.

Dear Cablevision,
Thanks for the advice.
Your BFF [Best Friend Forever]

Pasta, Beans, Cheese

Last night we cook up a bit of pasta that was remarkably good considering we put it together at 10:30 at night and without any fresh ingrediants.

Whole Wheat pasta
Ceci Peas [chickpeas]
Diced tomatos [canned, organic]
Sharp Chedder, shredded.


Boil pasta.

Ceci peas and tamato brought to a boil seasoned with pepper, salt, oregano, garlic powder. Pour sauce over pasta. Add shredded cheese and let sit for 5 minutes, stirring in cheese so it melts. Delicious.

Literary Wankers

We were going though submission guidelines to various literary journals today, and came across this lovely bit, from a journal we will not mention:

we consider it unethical for a poet to submit the same work simultaneously

Of course, we understand that simultaneously submitting is wrong. But we must have a good chuckle that a prospective publisher would call the practice unethetical.

Indeed, this might actually hold water if literary journals responded with any bit of efficiency. But due to volume of submissions, they can't and so they don't. After two or three months, submitting a poem [or a story] some place else is fair game. After all, most journals refuse to comment on the status of submissions. So imagine a story submitted, and subsequently lost. Should the author never submit again for fear of being unethical?

We're left wondering if the good folks at this unammed journal are comparing the submission of the same poem to different journals as an equal fault to say, looting Enron, or suicide bombings in the name of God. We'd only consider the latter two "unethical."

Seperated At Birth

We were watching several supreme court justices on CSPAN last night [what can we say except we're dorks]. We think justice Stephen Bryer might have a brother.

Black Death Threatens City

Fearing disease and looking to raise some badly needed cash, New Brunswick will be issuing summons for litter and uncleanliness.
Poor sanitation often poses a health hazard, Bray said. Trash piles on city streets often attract vermin, which are common vectors for germs

We know first hand that rats like trash. After a year living at 135 Easton, the ally was so filled with garbage and other rotting shit, the landlord demanded we clean it as he was selling the house.

During the process, we first discovered a baby rat just old enough to walk. Then we discovered three more. Then ten, some of them still blind. Finally, mamma rat was woken up and bounded off in the direction of prosper street.

We finished cleaning the ally of dirt, feces, and other matter. The rat however, went on to reproduce, leading to an infestation on Prosper street that summer.

Google Makes Porn Harder to Hide at Work, Easier to Find at Home

Google released its Search History feature that will allow users to look back at past searches they have conducted. Its probably a good idea to stop searching for pornography on your office computer, since now all those searches are saved for everyone to see. On the other hand, google's search history now makes it easier to go back and find that special picture later. Oh, and google search history might have some useful features outside of looking up porn, if of course, you use the internet for something like that.

Misread Headlines

Maybe it was the excitement of seeing white smoke, or maybe we are just bleary eyed from working 14 hour days, but we misread a few headlines this afternoon. They seemed alot more interesting before we realized the mistake.

We Read: Fearful Await New Pope In St. Peter's Square

But Really Read: Faithful Await New Pope in St. Peter's Square

We Read: White Smoke, Bells at Vatican Signal Destruction of Cardinals

But Really Read: White Smoke, Bells at Vatican Signal Decision by Cardinals

Disney Lexicon

Disney is training workers for their new Hong Kong Resort.

Virginia Li Yuk Wing, 24, a college graduate in marketing who is working as a custodian at Disney-MGM Studios before moving to the Hong Kong park, learned the euphemism for the mess created by queasy visitors after an intense ride: protein spill.


Are they describing a Disney ride or Paris Hilton?

Microsoft to Re-Write, Edit History

Microsoft's Encarta online encylclopedia will soon allow users to suggest edits to content. This may be the result of pressure from free encyclopedia Wikipedia.

However, Encarta will continue to edit suggested edits, meaning Microsoft employees will continue to have final say over what goes into the encyclopedia. This suggests that Encarta will be a more complete, or at least, a more accurate encyclopedia.

On the other hand, a quick search of Encarta reveals serious flaws that we doubt will ever be corrected. For instance, search for the term Wiki [Wiki: a webpage that allows users to contribute content] or Firefox [Firefox: a free alternative web browser] and you won't find an entry. Why?

Perhaps its because Wikipedia [Wikipedia: an online encylcopedia that allows users to contribute to articles] competes with Encarta. Firefox? Well, it competes with Microsoft's internet explorer.

Wikipedia of course has entries both for Encarta and Internet Explorer. Afterall, the editors of that encyclopedia are not trying to turn a profit.

So when Encarta allows users to suggest edits, can we expect to see entries for firefox and wikipedia? Well we some how doubt Encarata will include this bit of information when discussing Bill Gates:

Critics often portray him in scenarios or bearing insignia graphically reminiscent of Nazism, alluding parallels between Microsoft's business practices and totalitarian movements.

Overheard: St. Marks

"I've I don't know any guys, and I've been with all the ones you know."

Rachel Ray Nude

Fooled You Again. Ha.

Rather, while reading gawker, came across this:

saw rachel ray (aka the insane woman who makes thirty minute meals on the food network) about a week ago on 19th and broadway, she was with a pack of men smiling from ear to ear with very blond streaked hair. The perfect word to describe her: jolly.

By Jolly, they mean Drunk, because that's what Rachel Ray is.

Outsmarting Simon

Tuesday night we stopped at Vintage Vinyl in Fords where Outsmarting Simon was playing in celebration of their second Album Stand Up Straight. Not only are they pretty good, but Greg is a good ol' Ringwood native.

What We Think:
Stand Up Straight is clearly a more mature album then the previous Silent Sober & Sound. The Music is richer and more refined. One member of the crowd on Tuesday demanded they play the 'radio hit.' Yet, most of the songs on the album could be radio hits. This is a strong album; a testament to that fact is, since Tuesday, its the only album that's played in my car.

Interesting:
Outsmarting Simon Blog

Related:
Ringwood-ette

Did Britney Fail Sex Ed?

We have to wonder if perhaps the Tabloids knew something that Britney Spears didn't: unprotected sex makes babies.

We've always suspected that Britney road the short bus, so maybe she just didn't know that a three month late period was a good sign of pregnancy.

What Britney's revelation means for us:
A poorly written Saturday Night Live sketch featuring a pregnant Britney Spears dressed as a school girl singing "Baby, One more Time."

George Bush Invents MP3s, Playlists

CNN's investigative team has unearthed President Bush's iPod playlist.

The task of downloading the music falls to the 58-year-old president's personal aide, Blake Gottesman, who buys individual songs and albums from the iTunes music store.

We have to wonder, is paying a guy to download the President's MP3's the best use of taxpayer dollars?

Not every track is "on-message." The playlist -- regarded by many as a mirror to the soul -- includes musicians who campaigned against Bush,

Read: This counts as Bipartisan, right?

Bush, who quit drinking after his 40th birthday, also listens to recovering alcoholic George Jones

Not only do we not believe George Bush has given up drinking, we have to wonder what editor thought it relevant to include this information?

Dear CNN,
Stop trying to be the New York Times. You are after all, a news channel.

Besides, Its Fucking Montana

The Governor brings his dog to work everyday.

"The appearance of Jag in the Capitol was predicted by Schweitzer himself during the gubernatorial campaign when he said at a September debate that he had no interest in maintaining a Highway Patrol officer as a personal bodyguard and, instead, would have one of his border collies with him."

Besides, he thought to himself, its Montana; Like anything happens here that a dog couldn't save me from?

There is no substitute for hard work; Except of course, Not Working

Last night I was listening to Bloomgberg radio. The broadcast was a repeat of the afternoons show Simply Put and the discussion of the day was Social Security fixes. One of the talking heads suggested that one of the problems with social security was that retirees were prohibited from working. He suggested that allowing retirees to earn more than the $12,000 would be a good way to bring qualified employees back to the workplace, and that they otherwise were a waste of life.

For the moment, overlook the fact that one of the initial goals when social security was created was to take older workers out of the work place and thereby creating more jobs for younger workers. Instead consider this: why the fuck would you want to continue working after retirement?

I would, if given the opportunity, leave my job tomorrow if I never had to work again.

Why? Because working is not fun. The American notion that a job is a life’s fulfillment, that a career can be a great love, simply is perverse.

I’m saying I’m looking forward to re-runs of the Price is Right and early bird specials. Quite the opposite. I want the freedom to do whatever I want. There are plenty of activities that can occupy your life without earning any or very much money. So why the hell would anyone want to give up the freedom to pursue an unprofitable activity to return to a cubicle if they are entitled to money anyway.

Cheap Dates

German Wal*Marts are selling single people to each other. The "date nights" on Fridays brings single folks into the store and let them chat up each other. Once it hits America, we expect Desperate Housewives may have a new location for their heated foibles.

Single women beware: Men don't come with Warranties.

As with anything from Wal*Mart, your relationship is prone to falling apart after a year or two.

And let's not forget the kind of people who do shop at Wal*Mart: toothless hill people. Yikes.

You Are Bad People

A Chinese Delivery Guy was stuck in an elevator for 3 days before finally being rescued. The Delivery guy has the best quote ever:

"The tips in that building are all bad."

Please, tip your delivery men generously.

Google Maps

Some good readers may be well aware that Google has improved on internet maps [maps.google.com]. But they also launched today a Satellite expansion for the mapping program. You can switch back and forth between both views, so if you aren't sure what you are looking at, you can be by looking at the map.

Its just like playing SimCity, only these cities are real.

The Satellite maps from google maps are much better than the Terraserver maps everyone was fascinated with circa 1999. Besides that, they are a little bit more recent. But not too recent.

One of the first places I looked up was of course my office. But then we turned to places like New Brunswick-- the new route 18 expansion was not complete when the satellite passed overhead.

And of course, I went searching for the mythical Newport Beach from The O.C. I also scanned the coast of California around San Francisco. And of course, Cape Cod's shores. And Washington DC. And now Seaside Florida, the picture perfect town seen in The Truman Show.

Finally, what did catch my eye was the arena in Los Angelos: The Staples Center. How do I know? Some marketing genius thought to paint a giant sign on the roof. It's perhaps the only building label that can be seen from space. Christ, I wish I had thought of that.

Quiche and Beer

Sunday night I made ravioli. I didn't just boil some water and throw in pre-packaged, storebought cardboard immitation ravioli; I made ravioli* from a pile of flower. I only used about half of the spinach, artichoke, ricotta filling.

Instead of wasting the filling, I decided to make a quiche** using what was left of the eggs and half and half. It came out of the oven perfectly risen and golden brown. But since I already had ravioli, the quiche went straight into the refridgerator.

Tonight, after working a marathon session of 13 hours-- its been a while since I've been at the office that long-- I came home searching the refridgerator for a beer. Instead, I found the quiche. Topped with kraft singles,*** it was delicious.

But lest you think I'm on my way to join the fab five team, I did find the beer. The last beer. There is nothing like thinking you have no beer only to find the last one. Sure, two beers is better than one beer, but lets face it, nothing beats finding the last beer in the refridgerator.

* I made my ravioli triangular in shape just to be fun, and also it seemed like a great idea since a large rectangle made 2 ravioli instead of 1. However, they didn't seal quite so well and there was too much noodle to too little filling. But they were still really good.

** Ok, so I used frozen pie crust. But still, it was quick thinking considering I was getting ready to throw our the left over filling.

*** Kraft singles may not seem like something a person who makes ravioli by hand has in stock, excepting of course, that Kraft singles are amazing. And made of cheese.

Overheard: Honda Civic

M: "I can't believe Sarah Jessica Parker is 40"

I: "Sarah Jessica Parker can't believe she is 40 either."