The Pissing Fields

Location: Corporate Office Restroom
Time: Two Minutes Ago
What: Old man pissing in a urinal with both hands in his pocket

WTF? Touch your dong. You won't go blind, I promise. There is no excuse to let your 60 year old winky dribble steamy urine all over the floor.

Nights and Weekends

We're so trendy: we only have a cell phone. 1 and 5 young adults are Cell Phone Only Households, or 7% of the market.

Brace yourselves though, pollsters may soon be calling on weekends where most cellular plans are free. If only the cell phone venders would themselves do some phone research: Verizon might begin to understand how infuriating their customer service is.

Oscar Dinner, Lunch Today.

Last night I made Bake Macoroni and Cheese based on Alton Brown's Good Eats. It was amazing. I also stuffed chicken with some vegetables: Asparagus, red bell pepper, yellow squash, green beans, and carrots. Also, Ricotta and Brie were stuff in the breasts before going in the oven for 45 minutes. Mandee made sweet potatoes. It was delicious.

Only Willy P

I was reading over a newspaper - The Herald News - from October 22, 2004 when I came to an article talking about an unexpected power outage at William Paterson University. The power problems prevented an electronic music exam from going forward.

"Another guy and I got extra credit for showing up"

Well done, and well deserved. After all, why should you be expected to show up for an exam anyway?

God Responds To Pope's Book

Pope John Paul II was given a tracheotomy to aid in his breathing. This comes only days after the Pope announced he will be releasing a book where he calls homosexuality evil. Certainly it seems God has spoken.

Crazy Talk

Today I recieved an email from Rutgers President Richard McCormick outlining improvements on the College Avenue Campus of New Brunswick. I assume he courteously sent this to me since I'm an alumni, not because I live in the city. In either case, the email directed me to a website discussing the Rutgers master plan. At first glance, it seems an innovative approach to solving many of rutgers problems from campus image to transportation to housing. But take a closer look and the plan lacks a basic understanding of reality.

So we're going to make some suggestions:

Newark And Camden
Stop pissing away money on these hell holes. No one "chooses" to go to either of these campuses. Students "end up" here. Wasting precious dollars to spruce up these urban hell zones is never going to get anyone anywhere.

Buses
Until the President of Rutgers rides them daily, nothing will be fixed. Former president Lawrence had of course been chastized for his use of a Rutgers Police escort to take him around. There are no rumors yet of McCormick doing this sort of thing, but then again, there are no rumors of McCormick walking around the campus with students like former President Mason Gross.

For starters, Rutgers needs to do what the savvy student drivers do: cut down Suydam street to get between Douglass and College Ave. Essentially the Suydam / French Street connection runs parralell to the College Ave / George Street route, except there is less traffic. In addition, a permenant bus line running several blocks farther from campus would extend the radius where students could live off campus, further relieving the burden of the local housing market and of rutgers to build more dormitories.

Currently, many of these properties are too far for students to walk [or walk safely] to campus. But the bus line would change that. The added advantage would be that these less reputable neighborhoods of New Brunswick would face added pressure to be cleaned up and revitalized. Revitalizing of these neighborhoods is already on the New Brunswick radar as the council this past week resolution rezoning much of the corridor.

Staggering class schedules and changing bus routes might help in the short term but ultimately is not a solution. A Monorail would solve many problems. First, it could be automated like at Newark Airport or Las Vegas so students would never be stranded on a campus late nights. Second, monorails are elevated so no matter how bad street traffic is, they can keep going on time. This is why monorails are superior to the proposed light rail link through downtown New Brunswick. Finally, monorail cars could higher capacities than Buses ever could.

Build Up
Part of the problem at Rutgers is the lack of space, whether academic, administrative, living quarters, or parking. The school has sprawled across much of its property, both in new brunswick and in Piscataway campuses in short two and three story buildings. [Admittedly, the Bishop Quad is supposedly under deed restrictions that the buildings could not be taller than the Bishop House]. However, Rutgers needs to build up and fast to maximize the value of their land holdings. Certainly many of their plans call for this already, but we're certain Rutgers will screw it up somehow.

Rutgers has some serious growing pains. While McCormick's plan at least recognizes the problems [Fran Lawrence's administration for instance denied there were transportation troubles and housing shortages], whether or not McCormick is able to solve any of them is yet to be seen. In anycase, as someone pointed out, none of us are going to recognize this city in a decade.

Brits Suck More Than Americans

Breaking News from The London Times: "An American Icon" has been knocked from the top spot by the British Dyson!

Apparently, Britons, still bitter over the loss of the American Colonies, have taken to mud slinging over suction.

A BRITISH vacuum cleaner has swept aside the iconic Hoover brand to become the market leader in America.

Please note the emphasis on BRITISH. Meanwhile, desperate American housewives are left dazed and confused:

[Hoover] became synonymous with US prosperity in the postwar years. It was the aspiration of every American housewife to own a Hoover.

What should they pick?

We like the Dyson. We want a Dyson. We agree its better than any Hoover. But will a vacuum restore the British empire?

Dear British People;
We love you to tears, but we're talking about vacuums here. Please, ring us up when when you have something relevant to discuss.
Thanks.

Dell Computers Touched Me There

A class action lawsuit was filed against Dell Computers for a laundry list of illegal actions. Dell once was the top end of pre-packaged computer harware selling what were arguably some of the best off the shelf models. My brother bought one when he went to college, and in my senior year I bought one too when my old computer started melting.

The lawsuit cites a woman who bought a computer in 2003, roughly at the same time I bought mine. When I bought my computer, I was smart enough to not finance it. Apparently, the woman was paying between 27 and 39% interest on the finance charges. But Dell did fuck me by sending me an extra $40 surge protector that I could not remove from my shopping cart. I meant to return the surge protector when it arrived, but wound up not. Eventually, I think I plugged it in somewhere. It was a little overpriced, but I wasn't too concerned about the extra $20, since after all, you can always use an extra surge protector.

But anyway, other than Dell fucking you on money, there are a few more reasons why I'll probably never buy a Dell again.

First, the USB ports are notoriously underpowered. USB ports are those things that let you plug anything in, from external harddrives to a mouse to a Flash jumpdrive. USB is great too because it allows devices like the iPod to recharge its batteries, meaning there is power going to each of those devices. Because Dell does not have enough power running to its USB ports, the USB devices won't all work at the same time.

The second reason is Dell computers have an inflated pricetag because for quite a while they have been living off their reputation. The lawsuit of course, may change that. But until then, when you buy a Dell you pay for a premium.

Third, Dell installs all sorts of Dell software, such as the Dell Jukebox and other crap that no one really wants. I've never found a way to remove this crap. While other computer makers install their special software, none is more invasive than Dell's, at least as far as I've come across.

Fourth, HP is just like Dell, but better. Years ago, like in the early 1990s, HP built their computers with HP parts, so computer upgrades usually required other HP parts. But HP stopped doing that, and since now computer hardware is cheaper and software ever changing, it usually makes more sense to buy a new computer than upgrade an old one. But anyhow, HP is Dell's best competition, and they simply do things better. Their design aesthetic is sleeker, the prices more reasonable, and HP overall is a better value.

In either case, I'm hoping this class action lawsuit will apply to me and that I get something free to make up for Dell computer touching me in my special place.

If a Tree Falls in a French Forest, Does it Really Make a Difference To Anyone In the Civilized World?

Google has started digatizing 5 libraries' worth of books. Apparently though, the President of the National Library of France wrote an Editorial critical of Google Print because he is concerned too much of the web is already in English.

We would have read his editorial, but its in French.

The internet has been a marvelous tool to bring people together, whether in business or in pleasure by allowing for easier communication and the transference of information. Unfortunately for Jean-Noel Jeanneney, France sold off or lost their colonies before the dawn of the internet relegating the French Language to nothing more than a langauge for scholars and academics. English is the language of the internet. For Now.

We've written about the end of the American hegemony before. But for now, and until that end, the internet is a device relying on the English language. Sorry Jean-Noel, but French is no longer relevant.

More Books

Today we made a trip to Cranbury Bookworm, one of, if not the best used bookstore after the Strand in Manhattan. The Bookworm has reworked their bookshelves since our last visit seperating fiction paperbacks from hardcovers, and removing their classics from the main stacks. Over all this made the whole process of searching for books easier and we commend them for the change.

Our big finds were Larousse Gastronomique, albeit a 1961 copy. The $60 book was only $4. What makes this exciting is that while our interest in fine cooking necessitated owning such an extensive food encyclopedia, we couldn't justify buying it new, and for $4, how could we really go wrong. Also we found a book on the art of Chinese cooking which we think will be similar to Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking. Expect more good food from us soon.

Of course, we then went to an all you can eat chinese buffet in West Windsor and gorged ourselves. Go figure.

NJ Sticks It To Blockbuster

Some of you may know that we hate Blockbuster Video and now rent from Netflix. Recently, Blockbuster tried luring and enticing minors... um customers, back to their store with "The End of Late Fees". This of course was bullshit since in fact keeping a film for more than two weeks resulted in a $1.25 late fee...er, "Restocking Fee". Oh, and if you kept it longer than 30 days, Blockbuster would charge retail, which for new releases could be $100 or more.

Well, thankfully, New Jersey took the step of suing the shit out of blockbuster. You go, Peter Harvey. AG Harvey's office is claiming that a restocking fee is a late fee and to adervtise in New Jersey that there are no late fees is well, lying, and believe it or not, illegal.

Too Much Asbestos? Not Enough Herbal Viagra?

If you've been plagued by Spam offering the cure for the common tiny penis, you might just enjoy Spam Musement. On recieving Spam, the artist draws crude cartoons based on the subject line. Funny shit.

Chemistry, Other Sciences Under Review

A chemistry teacher was Arrested after, gasp, teaching students about chemical reactions. Prosecutors claim he taught students how to build bombs, otherwise known as chemical reactions.

School officials told investigators that Pieski previously had been told he was not allowed to have any form of explosive on campus. But lacking any understanding of high school chemical labs, school officials failed to ban classes known as "chemistry".

With an on going debate as to whether or not schools can continue teaching evolution, perhaps its time to start reviewing the other sciences. Physics for example, may dispprove that the earth is the center of God's universe.

When Public Policy Works Too Well

It seems genius law makers on the West Coast want to charge drivers by the mile. Gas taxes that are meant to pay for road improvements are down as more drivers do the right thing and buy fuel efficient cars.

Under the proposal, cars would be equiped with GPS systems that would record the miles driven and charge drivers at the pump. So hybrid driving hippies will be paying a lot more to drive their new vehicles. But wasn't the gas tax justified when it was implimented as reducing the nation's demand on foreign oil, or that by encouraging people to drive fuel efficient cars, there would be less pollution?

How about this: as revenue from gas tax goes down, simply raise the rate per gallon and use the money to fund public transportation projects. If people start paying $7 a gallon in fuel taxes, a lot more people will start driving fuel efficient cars, reducing the need for foreign oil and increasing their use of mass transit. Taking the revenue and building complex rail, subway, and monorail lines [no really, monorails are cool] across the suburban wasteland, people will drive less, reducing the cost of maintaining roads.

Or of course, we could do what you said, and track where people go and tax them per mile, and keep building more roads. I'm sure that will work.

Did Fatima Visions Predict NHL Cancellation?

Today the NHL Cancelled Their Season as contract talks broke down. Yesterday, the last of the Fatima girls died. The other two Fatima prophets died in 1919 during a flu epidemic; the Stanley Cup has been awarded every year since 1919, when the flu epidemic cancelled the playoffs. Coincidence? We think not.

Mommy, Where Do Hipsters Come From? [Part I]

Sitting at the office desk today, there was nothing better to do than start typing into my address bar random dotcoms. First I tried Wankster.com, yielding a result telling me the URL was already registerws, but I could buy it if I wanted. I didn't want to. Then Wanker.com redirected me to some communications company. About then I gave up and decided Google was invented for a reason.

The first term I searched for was "Hipster", bringing me to The Hipster Handbook. The site has some interesting artwork but otherwise is just trying to sell a book, The Hipster Handbook.

The website held my attention for about 90 seconds. However, I was intrigued to learn more about the term "Hipster" for which I've been casually tossing around to described people I don't really like.

Simply searching for "Origin" and "hipster" brought me to yet another book, A Field Guide to the Urban Hipster. I was beginning to think the term Hipster simply meant "Another way to sell a novelty book".

Since google wasn't being very helpful, I turned to our old friend, The Urban Dictionary. The Top entry for hipster offers two definitions. The first definition claimed a Hipster was "the next step in evoluton from emo". Ok. That was a start.

The next part of the definition though said, "2. twenty-something stroketard whose style of clothing conflicts with their demeanor...resulting in a spicy psudeo-intellectualwith flavor-of-the-month conversations". Now it seems that whoever wrote this was just bitter they weren't a hipster.

Thinking perhaps some of the other difinitions offered by the Urban Dictionary would present some greater, or at least broader, insight, I kept reading. Before long I came to a direct qutoe from The Hipster Handbook. Yikes, talk about coming full circle.

Back to Google I went.

Several entries later I came to an article discussing Hipsters of the 1950s. It seems Hipsters were the precursers to Hippies and Beatniks.

Well now, everything was begining to make sense. This what we've learned so far:

Modern Hipsters reject consumerism, suburbia, and trendiness while embracing second hand clothing, urban lifestyles, and uniqueness. They are creative, artistic, independent thinkers. They tend to be liberal. There are numerous references to Hipsters "slumming it" while living off of "Daddy's Money [Parimony].

Everything that Hipsters are is contraictory to where they come from. They are for the most part former consumers from the suburbs. They are mimicking each other in their creativity. They increase the cost of living in the "slums" by brining with them a demand for high end retail stores.

Hipsters are good if you talk to a hipster. Hipsters are bad if you talk to a anyone who isn't.

But where do Hipsters come from?

Well, as I said, the term Hipster was used in the 1950's to reference people involved in the counter culture. Hipsters today are not very different. They are the counter culture. Modern Hipsters then do have their origins in Hipsters of the 1950's.

Before the modern hipster, there was the Indie movement of the late 1990s. The Indie movement [emo is a sub-group of Indie, or in some places synonymous with Indie] embraced many of the same mores and beliefs of Hipsters. It rejected consumerism, embracing individuality, and encouraged creativity. The same could be said of the Punk movement before that. And earlier, Hippies; Beatniks; and 1950's Hipsters.

That's one variation on the origin of the term "hipster". But I would also like to posit a more ironic origin for the term.

A few years back, The GAP, the icon of 80s and 90s prep, came out with a new marketing style name for their jeans. They were sold under the name 1969. The earliest of these were somewhat pre-worn in appearence [Though they were also the most comfortable GAP jeans I've ever owned]. Along with these jeans was a line of corduroy slacks; together they were part of the "Hipster" line. So as it turns out, one might conclude the Hipster model pants sold at The GAP circa 1999-2002 is the impetus behind the Hipster movement.

Interestingly enough, The GAP is featured in the "Indie" cult classic, Reality Bites; in the movie, The GAP is a symbol of the evil corporate America that young people should shun, at least of course, after adopting the name of their store brand jeans.

Overhead, PATH Terminal

"You'd sell more papers if they were free!"

Geeks and Wankers No Longer Threaten Blind Dates

A few weeks ago, drunks were given some added protection from making booty calls to sub par partners when Virgin mobile created call blocking. That service kept people from making the same inebriated mistake twice.

Now your cell phone offers protection from bad dates: fake phone call excuses. Users discreetly dial the three digit number and within a minute a represenative calls the user back offering the perfect excuse. They'll even walk you through telling your date they are going home alone. This service is best used without speaker phone.

The next service we want is one that automatically detects the level of our hang over in the morning, and when appropriate calls us out sick.

Queens Slated For Annihilation By Giant Concrete Box

Wal*Mart's proposed opening of a Queens store is creating alot of opposition. Two of the biggest opponents are local business leaders and labor unions: when business owners and labor unions can find a common enemey you know they're talking about some serious shit.

Labor unions are arguing against the nation's biggest retailer invading the five boroughs because of the lack of health insurance, low wages, and Wal*Mart's uncanny ability to fire employees who try to unionize.

Noting that Wal-Mart employs 1.2 million Americans, [Wal*Mart Spokesman] said, "People wouldn't stay with a company that wasn't providing opportunities and competitive wages and benefits."

That is of course, unless there are no employers left because Wal*Mart has shutdown all the small businesses.

Smart People Get Ulcers, Cry For Their Blank-y

Apparently being smarter then Jon-Jon-Jim-Bob just isn't enough anymore; those of us endowed with more than a half dozen brain cells have a lot to worry about. A new study shows that the smarter you are, the more likely you are to cave under pressure. Finally, an excuse as to why I never scored a 1600 on my SATs.

Food, Good; Children, Bad

There has been a lot of fuss about French Women Don't Get Fat, a diet book that basically says eat whatever, just don't eat so much of it.

The Times has an article about the author and the book. Normally, we wouldn't care about things like this except for this quote pertaining to Americans who's response often is 'I don't have enough time to eat healthy':

"People say they are busy with three young kids," said Ms. Guiliano, who does not have children. "Well, there are choices to be made. Maybe you can't watch your reality show for 20 minutes."

This axiom holds true unless you watch MTV's Sweet 16, in which case you will opt out of parenthood and have plenty of time for yourself.

Exporting Americans

Everyone heard the promises made by many before the election: 'I'll move to Canada'. Then there were reports of the Canadian immigration website getting 5 times the volume of traffic the day after the election.

Well the the NYTimes is reporting about some folks actually following through.

The article notes that the US is in no danger of losing enough people to make a difference. But we disagree. Overall, the people who will be granted "skilled worker" visas to live in Canada will tend to be college educated and earning more money than many of the red necked red state Americans who arne't leaving.

Its not something that really concerns us, especially since we still believe in the slightly more dramatic blue state secession. We never had an intention of moving to Canada. Italy, maybe, but not Canada.

In either case, we find it interesting that there exists conjugal visa. We're left to wonder, do Canadians, in all their blue state idealism, recognize gay couples needing conjugal visas?

Less is Not Actually More

President Bush seems determined to once and for all kill off Amtrak vowing to end federal subsidies to the rail carrier in 2006. Amtrak has relied on government money since its creation three decades ago.

Amtrak costs the federal government $1.2 billion a year. Roughly $150 Billion was spent in Iraq. We still contend the only reason we're involved there is for the 5 to 6 million Barrels per Day of Oil.

Unlike most of you, we've actaully ridden on Amtrak trains. We aren't even talking about the sleek Acela or even the not so hot Metroliners. We've crossed 2/3 of the country from New York to Lincoln, Nebraska. And we did it twice.

Sure, Amtrak has some problems, like for instance, the need to change trains to get from New York to places west of Chicago. Indeed, there possibly more problems than can be listed, and not just with the older transcontinental lines. Acela can't reach maximum speeds along much of its track and even has to switch from electric to diesel engines.

But at the same time, our experience on Amtrak was not so awful we thought it should be discontinued. We're not expecting to take a train to squeeze a trip to San Francisco into a ten day vacation. But it could be usable.

And its not just about traveling. Amtrak employs 22,000 people and unlike many other jobs, Amtrak employees can't be outsourced since they work on trains in the United States. Meanwhile, in many parts of the country, Amtrak operates commuter rail lines, such as the Northeast Corridor. If Amtrak were broken apart, local governments would be picking up these costs. In many places, even if Amtrak is not running commuter trains, local authorities benefit from Amtrak service by reducing costs to maintain rails, signals, and other rail services. Without Amtrak, thousands more people will be unemployed, and those going to work will pay more for their commuter rail tickets.

We think its time for the United states to start building Maglev trains. China is clearly the next global leader. They have a massive economy and have made great technological leaps putting men in space. While the Maglev technology they are building comes from German engineers, its probably time the United States linked its cities at 250 Miles per Hour.

Since we doubt President Bush is going to change his mind, [though we don't doubt the power of The SEIU], we think the best thing to do is simply to stop offering rail service of any kind in Texas. We're not expecting things to grind to a hault, but at least Amtrak will be losing a little less money.

Movie Madness

We've been rather vocal about commercials playing before movies in movie theatres. Indeed, we mean we've been vocal, as in cursing them at audible levels at many showings. Apparently, these commercials have reached market saturation with consumers.

More importantly, a current lawsuit filed by a chicago attorney is attempting to get movie theaters to list in advertisements the actually start time of a movie, rather than the approximate start time of ads. About the time these ads first appeared, a New Jersey legislator had been considering a similar law [nothing came of it though; hell, we don't even remember who it was who suggested it].

We thought posting the actually start time of movies is a good idea. A better idea however, is Loews Reserved Seating. The novel concept assigns numbers to the seats of a movie theater, and patrons actually reserve their seats ahead of time [please overlook the fact that Broadway has sold assigned seats for at least a century].

In the end though, its not the amount of advertisements in a movie theater, its the fact that it costs $10 a ticket. 3 of the last 5 films we've seen have been matinees. And we still think that's too much.

The Weekend Review: Saturday

Mandee turned 24; Birthday celebrations ensued, concluding with dessert at Serendipity [we braved a two hour wait].

The real excitement began though when Greg called to wish Mandee a happy birthday. A stuggling comedian, Greg was performing at club Seho on Ludlow street. As it turns out, we were literally a block away from the scene of last weeks slaying of Nicole duFresne.

We finally found Club Seho at a little after 9 when we were told by Greg to show up. We paid a $5 cover, not unexpected. But what was unexpected is that only five other people were in the bar [this included Greg and his fiancee, but not the bartender].

We bought drinks: $6 dollar corona and $10 long island ice tea. We thought maybe we were early, and that as time went on the place would fill up. It didn't. Greg introduced us to A guy from The Slackers who lives a few blocks from us on Louis Street and some guy class of '02 of Rutgers.

The emcee then emerged wearing a silver dress that could best be described as chain mail. The dress itself doubled her volume and would have been hideous even in its native environment of 1984. But anyway, besides being not funny, the emcee liked to talk about her vaginal diseases and going to the grocery store on Mushrooms. We thought she was tripping while she was on stage. She was also pushing for everyone to play pin the tail on the donkey. We decline claiming it was disrespectful to Democrats.

In either case, the guy from The Slackers played some music. The girl told some more not funny jokes. Then there was some other guy who was moderately funny, but we'd heard his act over the summer [Greg was also performing at that event; they are friends].

Anyway, Greg took the stage. When he told jokes he was funny, but he also was proselytizing against pop culture. We think this could be funny if he tried to make it that way, but he wasn't.

Then we left, without playing pin the tail on the donkey because the emcee was starting to really flip us out.

Earlier in the evening, we had attributed the bar's emptiness to the recent shooting. As we left though, lines of people trying to get into two other bars on the block allowed us to realize it was the $6 bottles of beer that probably kept people away. Then we finished off the evening walking past the crime scene.

The Weekend Review: Friday

Mandee's old roommate Michelle turned 24 and was playing at The Bitter End on Bleecker Street. She was good and filled the bar. She was followed up by The Bitters. The Bitters were so-so imitators of several more popular we're-not-so-punk-anymore bands except they were old.

Then we headed west to Marie's Crisis, a piano bar "for aging queens" as one web review described it. The bar was small with a Piano in the middle. The guy playing the piano had the same frightening empty stare usually associated with former Brett Hall resident N.T.

The bar was filled with regulars, and Michelle and her entourage added another 20 to 30 people to the already tiny bar. But we were all hanging out jolly as could be singing show tunes and pretending to drink [it was not proper drinking since it was too hard to get to the bar and buy drinks, and though there were waiters who pushed their way through the crowd it was inefficient].

The best part though was once an hour the waiter or the waitress [there was a waiter and a waitress, but they only went one at a time], would get to have a solo. We think the waitress was a little better than the waiter, but they were both good.

We'd actually suggest Marie's Crisis would be a great place for some swine to get together for drinks: after all, what's better than singing while drinking?

The State of the Barbecue

Instead of watching the State of the Union, we went to Virgil's BBQ. We started off with a plate of hush puppies. AllRecipes.com describes Hush puppies as "A delicious treat from the American south". Indeed.

About a decade ago, when we still were young enough to take "family vacations," we took a trip south both to visit relatives and Mickey Mouse. One of our stops was Huntsville, Alabama, where a cousin of ours worked/s for NASA.

Our cousin suggested that we go for dinner at a local Barbecue establishment he knew of. We say establishment because to call it a restaurant would be too generous. There were perhaps, at most six tables. The structure [again, building would be too generous and shack not quite enough] sat in the middle of tobacco fields.

Now our cousin had his car registered in Florida, and our parents' car obviously was from New Jersey. So here we are in the middle of nowhere with Florida plates and New Jersey plates; the folks inside must have been a little worried.

So in either case, we sit down at a table. Our waitress was very young, and from the moment we all spoke she was on the brink of hysterical laughter. [Apparently, our yanky accent was humorous].

What put our poor waitress over the edge though was when she brought to our table a plate of hush puppies. Our mother turns and asks her, quite sincerely, "Is this a hush puppy?" This is too much for our little waitress who bursts out laughing and quickly retreats to the kitchen as our mother looks on in surprise.

Three minutes later the waitress emerges from the kitchen, looks at our table, stops where she is standing and starts laughing again. She steps back into the kitchen. Finally, another waitress comes to our table and apologizes for the girl's laugher. The new waitress explains that she will now be serving us since the first girl couldn't look at our mother without laughing.

No doubt that young waitress sits around the dinner table at night to this day and tells the story of the crazy, yanky white woman who didn't know what a hush puppy was.

But we know. And they are tasty.

We Know More People On TV Than You Do

Preveiously, we mentioned Austin Scarlett who we once road the school bus with. He's in the news again as Gawker Reports of Austin's recent announcement that he has dated women. We think its true.

But also on the television these days is Donald Trump's Apprentice Tara Dowdell. She was a McGreevey campaign co-worker. We'd describe her as sassy, and recommend not crossing her. She's sweet, but tough.

Even though season 1 of the Apprentice was a must see for us, we didn't watch much of season 2 after NBC bounced around its air time. We did watchg parts of several episodes of this season of the Apprentice only because Tara was on. [Though we are looking forward to The Apprentice: Martha Stewart; Mandee wants to be a contestant.]. We also watched three episodes of Project Runway because of Austin Scarlett.

We promise, when you starfuck your way on television, we'll watch you too.

Related: Ringwood-ette

Dublin is the New New York

Our potato eating ancestors missed out: Ireland is rich. Even the stodgy Economist declared Ireland had the highest quality of life in the world.

All is not well though: Suicide is up and folks drink like New Yorkers. The Irish are struggling to deal with all sorts of modern problems like the high cost of Starbucks.

Censored.Google.Com

Google a few weeks back released Google Suggest, a Beta version. Gawker pointed out that using Google Suggest for the term Paris yielded some interesting results.

Well try searching google suggest for "porn" or "penis": Google has no suggestions.

A standard google search results in 90,700,000 entries for the word "porn", yet Google Suggest has no recomendations? How strange.

Interestingly enough, the benign term "bread" displays many suggestions in google suggest; yet there are only 19,000,000 entries. It seems "porn" with four and a half times more entries should have at least a few suggestions.

We understand that maybe google doesn't want to suggest things that could leave them in an awkward position. For instance, imagine the algorithm for Google Suggest offering up "porn kiddie" or "Porn dogs" by accident.

But what about something like "Nude" which has no sexual connotation: same result, no suggestions. Google it seems, has decided to censor certain words.

Sex is a no-no for google, but racism seems to be alright. "Nazi" and "Nigger" both yield suggestions. Is google attempting to promote racial prejudice while keeping us from our nudie pictures?

Words that didn't yield results in Google Suggest:
Sex, Penis, Pornography, dildo, slut, nipple, porn.

Words that Google Deemed Ok to offer suggestions for:
Bread, Pants, dodo, marijuana, prom.

Coffee, Cheese Danishes Put Aside As C Opens Years Before Its Time

The C train is back in service. Horrah! We're left wondering what the MTA was actually thinking two weeks ago when their original estimate put the repairs at 5 years.

We think we know what the problem was when NYC Transit President Lawrence Reuter described the repair effort as:

"a herculean effort by repair workers toiling nonstop in 12-hour shifts since Jan. 23,"

Wait a second here-- 12 hour shifts are herculean? No, this is simply what the rest of us would call "emergency". You know, like firefighters do when something is burning. Or like, you know, doctors performing surgery.

We expected nothing less than non-stop work. Why are you acting like its something special?

Death and Taxes

The families of dead soldiers recieve $12,000 immediatly and tax free. Under debate now is awarding $100,000 on the deaths of soldiers. The money would be applied retroactively to those who served in Iraq and Afghanistan, or roughly 1,500 people.

For $150,000,000 its a no brainer that the families of men and women who died defending freedom / oil should be entitled to the money. Most people probably agree and are arguing over whether to include or exclude those military men who die outside of combat zones.

But we're left wondering two things. First, is this retribution for the Bush administration's hasty involvement in a war we didn't belong in? Fahrenheit 9/11 creator Michael Moore made a salient point at the end of his film: sending troops to war should be for an important cause. Paying off the families of dead soldiers might just be an "apology" for sending fathers, mothers, sisters, and brothers to die for what is arguably an unrelated battle in the war on terror.

Second, is this one way the military is hoping to increase its numbers without a draft? Recieving only minor coverage is the shortage of troops the military is facing. Recruitment to the military was down even before the war, but afterward it was even harder. But by offering $100,000 [$250,000 including automatic life insurance issued by the pentagon], military families would have less to worry about if their primary bread winner was killed. Sure, the $250,000 is not exactly the Mega Millions, but for a poor family with nothing, it might mean the difference between the subsiding below the poverty line and achieving a middle class lifestyle.

With the cost of the war in Iraq somewhere in the hundreds of billions of dollars, it might actually be better to offer military families $1,000,000. Even applied retroactively, making the families of fallen soldiers self sufficient would be pennies compared to the already escalating costs. Besides, with the President's economic policy, potatoes will soon cost a few Franklins.

Things To Do

From time to time we all have too little to do. Next time you want to be entertained, try the CIA Factbook -- Coastline Listings.