Gusher

Fruit snacks filled with a burst of fruity flavor? What could be more delicious? We've been snacking on Gushers snacks this week. [There really is nothing like waking up from a night sleeping on the conference table and having a nutricious breakfast of fruit snacks filled with fruity goodness]

We were never allowed to have Gushers [or any fruit snack really] as a child. Just like commercial television, fruit snacks were contraband.

Now we think we know why.

Our fingers are sticky. The unfortunate side effect of filling fruit snacks with liquid sugar goo is that they tend to pop allowing the liquid encased inside to form a big sticky lump of fruit snacks. Our desk is now sticky too.

We are left wondering why Vegetable flavored Gushers have never caught on. Best fake vegetable flavored gusher combination: Celery with Peanut butter.

And the Band Played On

Ashlee Simpson's SNL mishap has been over talked ever since her voice over started playing before her lips started moving last Saturday. She blames the band. Producers have said its a common part of concerts to play a song for a singer to sing along with. We do this too, in the car, but no one is lining up to listen to us.

Simpson has gained national coverage since the incident. Even President Bush had some words to offer her, saying he Totally Understands, and that's why he's never been on Saturday Night Live. He then went on to blame the band for his performance during the second presidential debate.

Meanwhile, former President Clinton is stumping for Kerry in Swing state Pennsylvania. Clinton cut short his visit when Governor Rendell's wife wouldn't "Swing" with Clinton. Kerry Aids have said Clinton has pledged his full support for John Kerry, completely overlooking the Lincoln Town Car Clinton arrived in; stuck to the bumper was a sticker reading "Hillary 08".

The one time front runner for the Democratic Nominee for President, Howard Dean has been stumping for Kerry. New Jersey's Governor Jim McGreevey was the first governor to Endorse Dean way back when, just 6 weeks before Dean had melted down on stage and lost his cahnce to be president, adding to the list of things Jim McGreevey has turned to shit.

Also, around New Jersey, the Senate President and soon to be Acting Governor Dick Codey is debating whether he and his family will have Thanksgiving in Drumthwacket, the Governor's mansion. Codey has otherwise promised he'll be spending less time there than McGreevey, who of course dedicated his first year as governor to remodeling the mansion. McGreevey added he hoped Codey would respect the color scheme he chose; the sage walls really go well with the eggshell white curtains, and perriwinkle in the carpet.

Where Will all the Bloggers Go?

Increasingly we've noticed many blogs dedicated to rightous causes for or against Bush or Kerry Finatics. [we've only really noticed this recently, becuase mostly, we don't read].

The anti-bush blog has been around for quite a while-- blogging's popularity really mirrored the growth of Bush Hatred. And surely there were Kerry haters out there as from the moment he announced he would be running for President.

But with all the propoganda flying around, the blog world is filled with polar opposites and links to Bush's Blog, Blogs for Bush, Kerry's Blog, ect.ect. But where will all these folks go on November 3?

We've expressed our own views on Bush [We've used words like Nazi, Dictator, Liar..] but we are alot more than another soapbox for a political party. [At least we'd like to think].

Then what will become of these blogs?

Most will likely fade off after a few weeks of calling for recounts or calling out frauds or claiming this conspiracy or that one, and again the blogging community will be ruled by angry stay at home moms. Yikes.

I [Heart] Target

Since we were at the office yesterday until 6:30, and we still have not done laundry, we needed essentials; dedicated Target Shoppers we are, headed off.

This lead into a trip to see I [Heart] Huckabees. We went to the AMC on route 3 East, in Clifton. Worst theater ever. Only 1 of 4 atomated ticket vending machines were operating. As a result, the line for tickets was extra long. Waiting on the line would not have been so bad if the Russian Euro Punks didn't keep letting their friends cut in front of them as they showed up. All the time we had a nagging feeling our car was being stolen-- the theater has a notorious high car theft rate, and the half dozen security trucks only added to our fears.

I [Heart] Huckabees
We were particularly excited about this film not just because of Rushmore star Jason Schwartzman but because of the existential detectives. [on further review, we've found Schwartzman is also preparing to star in Shopgirl, a Book we've been reading]

But in either case, the movie let us down a bit, but only because our expectations were unreasonable. our Boss described it as "what a 12 year old would write after reading Sartre." We didn't think it was anything like that.

We admit perhaps the movie tried to philosophize a little too much, but it never interfered with the story. We were entertained for sure.

"The Voice of Huckabees" was a rather shallow character and we wondered why she existed-- and then she played a crucial role in the resolution. We were left unsatisfied because she played such a minor role earlier. Jude Law's character could also have been a little deeper, though we suppose, his character was shallow for a reason.

One of the highlights included a Christian Family's dinner-- and their defence of petroleum, SUVs, and urban sprawl. Awesome. That would be us.

We think the movie could have been improved with a few more minutes of story telling-- maybe 60 ore more. And we are certain based on what we saw that we would have eagerly enjoyed another three hours if necessary. After all, at no point were we bored or longing for the conclusion. With that said, its probably better it ended where it did.

We [Heart] Huckabees. We did not love it, but we want to see it again. That's the best thing we've said about a movie in six months.

A Week in Review of New Jersey Politics

PoliticsNJ.com is reporting New Jersey has 464,000 more registered voters than it did in 2003. The best news is that at least 100,000 of these registrants are new and unique voters.

Meanwhile, with little surprise really, political insiders in New Jersey are less concerned with national politics, focusing on the gubernatorial race a full year away.

Rob Andrews has not ruled out his run for the Democratic nominee to be governor next year, with Camden County Party Boss George Norcoss adding that Andrews would ensure special interest groups would not have undue influence over Trenton. Skeptics are left wondering why Andrew’s campaign commercials end with "George Norcross approved this message."

Many New Jersey Republicans have promised a good fight next year for Governor with no less than five candidates raising money for their chance at running the state. Between these five candidates, they have raised about $1.2 million, or about half what the State Democratic party has on hand. Or in other words, half of one percent of Senator Jon Corzine’s net wealth.

Doug Forrester, who lost a bid for a senate seat against disgraced Bob Torricelli, has not declared a run for Governor just yet. Dan Rather would beg to differ though, since Forrester dedicated radio ads to having the CBS anchor removed from his position. If Forrester’s success at removing Dan Rather is any indication, he will not be governor.

All of this gubernatorial talk was made possible of course by McGreevey’s announcement in August that he was gay and would resign. If he had resigned before the general election in November, voters would be choosing a new Governor on November 2nd with Camden County Part Boss George Norcross adding that if Rob Andrews was governor, he would keep special interests out of Trenton.

A recent court ruling ensured though that McGreevey’s announced resignation was not an actual resignation until he leaves office on November 15—and thus there is no vacancy yet requiring a special election. This is a big victory for McGreevey since he will continue to be governor for another three weeks, or roughly enough time to host at least one more national scandal.

McGreevey this week used his lame duck powers to create three new state parks. As a testament to the power he still wields as an out going governor, all of the parks were actually local parks that now simply the state is taking control of, in essence, creating zero new parks.

But since the focus is still on McGreevey’s homosexual scandal, the press continually asks him what his post gubernatorial plans are. McGreevey is expected to dedicate one hundred and forty-seven new highway rest areas, where he said after he leaves office, he will be found cruising after dark.

In the end, that's New Jersey

Traditions

Ok. Its official. We know, Friday is a lame posting today. Honestly, we've tried. But what can we say.

Pray for us.

Good night.

From the Trenches

We think we might be developing a case of Trench Foot. We have not changed our socks since 7am yesterday. We know, this is disturbing. What disturbs us of course, is that we are the ones suffering, not you.

Meanwhile, we ended our work last night when we realized we'd lost 20 minutes. It was simply gone. Again, the conference table acted as a bed.

To fully understand our sleeping conditions, yuo must consider the conference room has no windows, and is essentially a square room. The walls are bare, and the only light comes from overhead. When the lights are off and the door is closed, the room is more a crypt than anything else. This is where we sleep, Like Lenin.

At the Office, Again

We're still here going at things, despite what we thought were the last of our all night escapades. Of course, between the blogging and the actual work we have to do, we may not get much conference table sleeping done tonight.

In other news, we think we are developing an ulcer. No, Seriously. Severe stomach pains seem to accompany most of our the period in our life known as "awake". Its all coming together as one now.

We are blaming the coffee, though we suppose really we should blame the employer.

One of our favorite not-working past times is killing penguins. If you are looking for a break between bouts of uncontrolled weeping or reviewing unwritten books, check it out. You will waste hours. We have at least.

Can I Get Yours?

The shortage of flu shots this year seems to have turned everyone into selfless martrys. Ordinary citizens have the opportunity pass up recieving a flu shot. George Bush didn't get his, but Congressional members are.

Georgia Congressman Phil Gingrey has decided to pass with a spokesman saying "He's making sure there are enough shots for children and seniors." Gingrey is expected to raffle off his flu shot to one of the 10 Million Children who don't have health coverage because the Republican controlled congress failed to address the issue.

Meanwhile seniors are crossing the border to Canada to shoot up on flu. Seniors crossing the border should cosnider that President Bush warned against using Canadian drugs that may kill Americans.

Bush added "[if] it looks like it's from Canada, it might be from a third world" [Debate 2] After all, Americans can't tell the difference between a Western syringe and a third world voodoo doll.

Meanwhile, in New Jersey, Inmates are recieving flu shots while God Fearing, Law Abiding Citizens go without.

One Guard is quoted saying, "These are violent offenders, child molesters," the officer said. "A lot of people are doing life." Congressional members were quick to defend the vaccines they received.

Memo: Don't Drink The Water

Memos abound. In what seems to be more than just a trend [tradition, perhaps?], we recieved another memo from office management: Don't Drink the Brown Water.

We were under the impression that common sense would tell us not to drink brown water. But we suppose, judging by the way things are in this office complex, perhaps memos on the subject are appropriate and necessary: we haven't seen much common sense around here lately.

We drink from a water cooler.

Are You Better?

Since we're a collective obsessed with ranks, it should come as no surprise that we enjoy ranking our academic achievements also. Of course we resent U.S. News, the fabulously useless rumor-mill that has made its name as the keeper of College ranks.

Leave it to the guys who do math though. It seems some economists have created a better system.

Like any economic model, their's rely's on competition and natural selection. Essentially, if say Peter was accepted to Harvard and Yale, then Harvard and Yale would face a head to head competition, and his final choice would get a win. Aggregating this data over time creates a ranking system that seems less likely to favor schools that play the game.

All that being said, the real economic model should simply calculate the netwealth of the entering class. Then calculate 5 years later the same students' netwealth, and calculate 10 years later. That way each school can be judged not on academics but on the improved earning potential students have by attending the university.

Jon Stewart For President

As reported by Gawker reporting on The Washington Post, Jon Stewart appeared last night on Crossfire. Apparently things got heated.

Jon Stewart seems to have made a decision to go after the traditional media-ists for being, well, traditional. 'Journalists' are all part of their own little club, and no one reports about how inaccurate each other are or biased they tend towards, since most of the news media belongs to the special social club known as the Republican Party.

Last month, Stewart was charged with being the mastermind behind a group of "Stoned Slackers", but he was later vindicated when surveys showed Daily Show viewers actually had more education then FoxNews, the other fake news program.

But in either case, on crossfire, Stewart was invited to promote his new book. Thinking he was a whore [no doubt, he might be], his acceptance of the invitation was expected to lead to usual promotions. The trouble is, Stewart thinks Crossfire sucks.

Robert Novak, with all the journalistic integrity of Dan Rather, said of Stewart "I don't think he's funny". As we're busy wondering why Novak's opinion on humor matters, we can't help but long for the return of Jayson Blair who as it seems, has a lot more integrity than Novak. Blair afterall, lied about real news topics. Novak on the other hand is starting shit with a Fake News Host.

Envoking memories of Churchill, Stewart defended himself, "They said I wasn't being funny. And I said to them, 'I know that, but tomorrow I will go back to being funny, and your show will still blow.'" This much is true.

End the end we understand that the conservative media wants us all to believe they are right. The conservative media does not like when they are questioned, especially by a member of their own organization. And when a few people do question the hegemony of the conservative media, it gets the Old Guard's panties fouled up. Increasingly, news anchors use words like 'disturbed' to describe young peoples fascination with Fake News shows like the Daily Show. What they mean by disturbed really is "concerned for the security of my over priced salary".

Well if the traditional news channels want to bring back the young viewers Jon Stewart has, they may have to consider something radical.

Fashion Comes to The Navy

The Navy recently updated their dress code for women. Choice quotes:

"[The Navy woman]also noted that the skirts didn't compliment many women's shapes."

"The Navy plans to add a kick pleat to that skirt and to redesign others to make them more flattering"

"The military purses - in brown, black and white - are so bulky and unattractive that some sailors wouldn't be caught dead with them after work."

We of course also feel that perhaps updating the bland navy gray of our warships could be cosnidered; alternate colors include Carribean Sea Green, Canary Yellow, or just plain Mango.

Next week Louis Vutton will be releasing a new line of body army. You thought $3,000 was alot for a purse?

Voters for Crack

An Ohio Man [Not one we know, presumably] was arrested for fradulantly registering people to vote. Ordinarily, we have grown so accustomed to this sort of thing-- after all we work in New Jersey politics-- we would have passed it over entirely.

Except for one thing. The man who was hired to register new voters was not earning money, but instead recieved payment in crack.

If we had thought of this, perhaps the election of 2003[NJ] would have gone more smoothely.

What's worse is the man was not very bright [perhaps this is why he had a crack habit]. He filled out forms with names like Mary Poppins. Well obviously he got caught-- though to his credit Mickey Mouse recieves enough votes each presidential election that you could actually have a small tenth of a percentage point.

What have we learned?

When committing voter fraud, do it the New Jersey way, don't get caught.

When Did Getting Knocked Up Become Trendy?

Apparently, getting knocked up has gotten really trendy. All sorts of seemingly interesting people are pregnant and no longer blogging.

Some in depth research by Avocado Green Staff members revealed that the terms "pregnant" and "blog" returned 365,000 results in google. Ok. That's way too many people to be blogging about getting knocked up.

We understand that everyone wants to share this magical period [Actually, lack of period] time in their lives. But its not cool. Just because you couldn't take some simple precautions, doesn't mean the rest of us should have our blog reading interupted.

Meanwhile, Chelsea, a once happy neighborhood, has been destroyed by Baby Stroller Gridlock.

And people want to rescind Roe V. Wade? Seems like a bad idea.

We're expecting of course that Hoboken soon will be installing child safety locks and plastic electric outlet protectors in all the local bars. If only there was room for the Baby's crib next to the Keg-erator and Beer pong table.

Yikes.

Wi-Fi Suddenly Old News

Yet another municipality is building and offering low cost wi-fi service citywide. By far the most ambitious project is Philadelphia, making wifi available over 135 miles for a cost of $10 Million. But there is Salt Lake City, Spokane Washington and still more cities offering the same services, free or on the cheap.

The idea behind making WiFi available for free or inexpensive is that the city gains young professionals and attracts technology companies of the next generation economy. Possibly.

But what it really means is the cost of for profit WiFi companies will soon be coming down, and that, shortly, the United States will be one giant WiFi zone.

Don't believe it? Well for one thing, the wifi record was recently set at 55 miles. Of course, this was a test, but it means its possible for wifi to work at great distances. And as the list of cities offering some form of discount wireless going, T-mobile's hegemony on Starbuck hotspots might just be coming to an end.

Once these networks are in place, there will be a whole host of services sprouted off them, much like pager and cell phone networks. Ten years ago, who would have thought Instant Messenger would have been available over cellphones? Who even had cellphones?

The point is that once there is an established fulltime network of WiFi out there, then private enterprize will start building addons. It would be impossible for a device relying on WiFi to work in today's environment since hotspots are just that - small localized spots.

On the other hand, if say the entire northeast had WiFi, then carrying handheld devices to surf the internet becomes a reality. Imagine going to the grocery store and researching a recipe from Foodtv.com while buying the ingrediants. Or price comparing books from amazon.com while in Borders books and music. Or reading up on the facts and history of the Garden State Parkway as you cruise in the southbound lane.

Already Tmobile has the sidekick for email and internet. Blackberrys of course are widely used [did you know Congressional members were issued them after 9-11?]. But these devices are all very basic in comparison to a full blown WiFi access.

Already new and creative services are rising from the ashes of the dotcom era. Rent downloadable movies. Buy iTunes songs. Watch and listen to live broadcasts of newsevents.

With a full time WiFi network blanketing the northeast, the only next logical step would be a movie player that downloads rented movies anywhere, anytime. Or an iPod that downloads new songs as you ride the train.

Don't think we're advocating this entirely though. We love the idea of Blogging anywhere in the tristate region. But think of the Spam.

Phone Survey Says 100% of Respondents Have Landlines

CNN is dicussing the crisis of polsters and cell phone only households. Polsters claim they will still have accurate tally's despite many people with cellphone only households.

But lets face it, young people and urbanites who are more likely to have cellphone only households will more likely vote Democratic, or gasp, green. So most of the rural swing states are not going to be particularly affected by this [excepting Pennsylvania, with Philadelphia]. But it is a problem and the 5% of households considered to be cellphone only may actually pad Kerry's lead in some states, such as New Jersey.

Of course, as we all know, most of these polls are biased by the conservative media that conducts.

Finding Porn Just Got Easier

The Google Desktop Search was launched today allowing users to find files on their computer. We haven't downloaded it yet to find out how it really adds up. more can be found here.

This means of course, some people will have to hide An Evening With the Japanese a little bit better.

If the Google Desktop Search turns out to be as hot as it claims to be, it could make our lives easier. It seems that the search tool actually indexes the entire harddrive much the way the Google bot indexes our pages.

Its been suggested too that other companies-- Microsoft and Yahoo! primarily-- will be headed down the path of desktop searching. MS had for instance originally promised a better desktop search in Longhorn, the next generation windows software but that has since been delayed.

The desktop search really begins to address [or maybe just recognize] the failure of the information age. Even as wireless networks expand the reach of high speed internet, users are bombarded with increasing volumes of information. The issue of dealing with this data will become an increasing focus for users. [We've been planning a pretty big article on the subject but fear it won't be available until after e-day].

In either case, Google doesn't have the advantage only because their desktop search came out first. They have a very powerful search engine that has spent years indexing the net. If the desktop search is half as good as the www search, then Google will certainly become a 'desktop' name.

Bye, Bye, Bartlet

When once we watched television, one of our favorite shows was, The West Wing.

Since reading about television is better than watching it, we've taken note that CNN.com is reporting that next year, when Bartlet's term as president expires, that perhaps there could be a Republican.

The show began part way through the President's first term, and barring a shark jumping plot like amending the constitution to allow Bartlet to serve a third time, Bartlet is done even if the West Wing is not.

We think it might be The West Wing that expires first.

Trouble is the original author Aaron Sorkin, also author of A Few Good Men was pushed out by the conservative media heads at NBC. He made that show brilliant, and quite unlike television. Under Sorkin's reign, every episode was sharply written and had high production value. These points are no longer true.

Meanwhile, Rob Lowe left the show during a salary dispute. The show was originally suppose to star his character, but very early on became an ensemble cast pulled together by the President, Martin Sheen, who originally was only to occasionally appear in episodes.

So we learned to live without Sam Seaborne, Lowe's character. Sorkin's departure, we hoped, would not be all bad, though deep down we knew it was going to be the end.

Without Sorkin leading the show, the plots weakend, and then grew mellodramatic. The focus was shifted from The West Wing of the Whitehouse to the emotional trauma of a few characters. We can remember one heated scene where the camera man must have thought he was shooting a sex scene for an indie film. No.

Essentially, NBC did to the West Wing what it did to ER when everyone stopped watching that. Does anyone watch ER?

Apparently no one is watching The West Wing anymore either which went from 17m viewers to just under 12m. [source].

If the West Wing survives to January of next year when Bartlet's term expires, then would a Republican President breed new life into the show?

Not if its accurate.

NBC is the urban intellectuals network. Basically, it doesn't run shows like COPS. [Sure, it has Fear Factor, which we've railed against but..] NBC was known for its smart comedies like Frasier and Will & Grace. And its sharp witted dramas like Law & Order and ER.

The people who watch The West Wing are not going to want to see a Republican president who is portrayed accurately. Just imagine a George Bush character. I'm not talking Will Farrell George Bush. Imagine him played straight. Yeah, we thought it was impossible too.

The other alternative of course is they could install a Guiliani like president. But you forget, Guiliani isn't really a Republican. He is of course, by circumstance and affiliation, but not by platform.

Of course, we can't wait for the Josh Lyman and Toby Zigler replacement characters to sit there and debate something a Republican president might deal with on the show:


Republican Toby: "We have a lot of government waste."
Republican Josh: "Well what if we cut [Senator]'s program for reading programs after school?"
R. Toby: "I don't know if that's the solution..."
R. Josh: "I don't care what you think! I'm taking it to the president!"

*Later*

R. Josh: "Mr. President, we can give your tax cuts by cutting after school programs, especially this reading program"
Republican President: "Hmm, I don't know if I want to score points hurting school kids."
R. Josh: "Don't worry Mr. President. They're all poor kids."
R. President: "Oh, why didn't you say so."


Somehow sitting around with the family watching a Republican version of President Bartlet just doesn't quite have the same 'warm and cozy feeling Martin Sheen has.

Bye, bye, Bartlet, we loved you when it was good.

$150,000 In Debt and Your Job Just Got Outsourced.

CNN.coM is reporting that Lawyers may be the next industry outsourced to India. GE has a unit with 30 lawyers already. By 2015, says the article, 40,000 legal jobs may be overseas (compare to programmers of 210,000).

So will law school ever pay off?

Law school is one of the most expensive post graduate work, and along with 90 hour work weeks, completely justifies charging a client $400 an hour and $.35 a photocopy. Law school has also usually meant that as long as you got in and completed your course work, you would at least be able to have a job.

But now it seems even law isn't safe. Or is it?

The article reports that the biggest jobs being sent overseas will be low level researchers and junior lawyers.

There are few big problems with this. First, with no junior lawyers working in the United States, there will be no one to promote to Associate or Partner. Even though these people do a lot of work that an ape could do, they start building portfolios of clients and eventually will lead to their own partnership.

Second, researchers like paralegals don't cost law firms money, they cost the client money. Some people we know [and love], could explain to you how much profit they earn their company for each of their billable hours.

So we feel law students shouldn't be frightened yet. After all, even Russia has lawyers.

Beer For Everyone.

CNN is reporting someone has invented a new process for beer brewing. Besides the fact that we didn't know anyone invented anything anymore [Save Al Gore and the wicked, wicked 'internet'], what's interesting about the brewing process is three things. First, the whole process is smaller and self contained. So it can fit in say, your garage. Second, the yeast is good for about a year, rather than two or three brews, so if you were to brew your own beer in the garage, you could use the same yeast over and over over and over again. And finally, it brews beer in a matter of hours rather than a few weeks. Jesus. A few hours? Sign me up. Its sort of like putting your laundry in: "Yeah, I have a batch of beer brewing, but after that I'm free." Of course, chances are retail prices don't come down.

Gawker States Profound Obviousness

So we understood that Gawker was both dangerous and perhaps a little bit better than a tabloid. [Does it matter what it is, we still enjoy it]. But let's just thank them for our text book answer:

You heard it here first: 24-year-old David Amsden has finally taken introductory civics and suddenly gives a shit. [source: David Amsden: Politics Are Hard!]

David Amsden is a 24 year old author, [Yey! Good for him: "Amsden's solid but unremarkable debut novel.." Publisher's Weekly via Amazon.com].
If however, Gawker had taken a moment to open up a text book on political campaigining, they would know its obvious he was going to do this: he's about to leave the lowest voting demographic ever. During the next year he'll turn 25, taking him out of the block 18 to 24 year olds who will not bother voting in any sizable number.

At least Gawker got one thing right: the sarcasm in addressing the writers' political views.

[Since it seems Gawker's server has crashed, and since we also just blasted them, we feel will provide the public service and report that temporarily, at least, Gawker can be found at http://67.18.39.132/. We wish them luck in restoring their service so that we might continue not working a little bit longer]

Nice People

We are not exceptionally nice. We may be kind to some people, but they are few, and never strangers.

So why do we find nice people so annoying?

We grew up in the suburbs where the small town feel was suppose to make us sweeter and more gentle than our distant cousins in the hard streets of New York. But we're not.

Maybe its just us, but nice people are more than a little irritating. And they're everywhere.

The people I'm talking about go out of their way to make our lives easier, better, or otherwise less annoying. But in that same way, they only add to our frustation.

Have we just failed at socializing? Are we the exception rather than the rule?

We don't mean that warm southern hospitality [though we are certain that, along with midwestern charm, our satisfaction with this form of kindness, would for us ware thin in about three hours before we took advantage of lax red state gun laws]. We're talking genuine kindness that has inundated our work place, the retail establishments we frequent, and the occasional random guy.

Can't people just be cold and angry? Stop talking to us. Stop trying to take the edge off our day. Stop trying to make our lives better. Please. We beg you.

Case of the Sundays

Some people get the "mondays", the first day of the work week. We can't be suffering from the Mondays because Sunday never really ended. Our little nap sure didn't satiate us the way such things once did.

All night working was routine for us just a few years ago. Now its taken its toll. The difference of course is instead of curling up between the covers of our bed, we were bent awkwardly to fit on the early '90s post modern business couch. Its designed to keep people awake.

So, if you include 90 minutes or so of rest we had, in the office, we've been at this now going on 30 hours. Yikes.

That Coffee Smell

Every time a urinate after drinking a cup of jo, it smells distinctly like the inside of a Starbucks. Their coffee is the worst offender, with 7-eleven and Dunkin barely noticable above the other odors in the men's room. But Starbucks is distinctive and rich, just like their coffee. Its beginning to disturb me.

Dunkin

One traditional treat of working late is the obligatory ride to Dunkin for world class coffee. Well, either they are trying poisen us, or forgot rince out the opt. It tasted like palmolive. Damn.

Who is Your Beer

Thanks to the wonders of Smarterchild, even when I'm working late I still have someone to talk to. SmarterChild likes it when I take surveys, so I do.

One of the questions that caught my mind was, "If Blue Moon Beer was a person, what would their job be?"

The answer is obvious. "Professional Blogger".

Big Biz Blogs

Gakwer Media released some new blogs to add to their already large stash. [Defamer, Wonkette, Gizmodo]. The new ones: Jalopnik, Screemhead, Kotaku. Gawker is a regular William Randolph Hurst

Together, all of these blogs are marketed to advertisers as "Niche market" venues. Gakwer media has turned the blog into a corporate entity. Gawker Media really begs the question: when does a blog cease being a blog a simply become a gossip column?

And then there is Gothamist which publishes "Ists" for four other cities.

There are more, we're sure.

Essentially, these blogs have become industry or geographic specific gossip columns. We're not criticizing though, since we love gossip just like everyone else. Its just like Fox News.

No doubt the professional blogging community is over the next few years going to grow and in so doing displace some older media sources. Standard fair newspapers like the Times should be concerned. Adding credence to this analysis is the New York dailies and their heated fight for young readers, going to the length of handing out free dailies. They should blog instead.

But until then we're waiting for these installments from Gawker Media:

Jizmodo
MILFette

And this from Gothamist:

Trentonist

Memo

The building manager must have stock in a paper company. The offices here have been inundated with memos, Re: package delivery; bathroom cleanliness; trash; parking; smoke free building. As if we all were small children. Well they've missed an issue that needs to be addressed. Don't worry, we'll take care of it.

TO: Adulterous Office Whores

RE:

All office employees should be aware that the constant extra marital affairs, sexual encounters, and general debaucheries ocurring on office property have reached epic proportions. This is a sex free building.

The roses / love notes / chocolates are excessive. The management understands your unilateral attempt to turn around the local economy through purchasing these goods but they are beginning to over tax our dumpster. Also, the low grunting noses being made in the late hours of the evening are disturbing some tenets.

Thank you for your time.

The Management.

Doggy Bags for the Dogs

New York State has lifted a ban on restaurant owners sending home patrons' unfinished wine. There are regulations. However, the French started doing this a few months ago after the government cracked down on drunk driving.

The French, ever fickle, have not been drinking extra bottles at home. Instead, they simply stopped drinking. The wine industry is hurting, and most of the people who take the bottles home are tourists who don't know any better.

Meanwhile, New Jersey joined a number of states recently that lowered the Blood Alcohol Content for drivers.

So what's it all mean? It means its time to head to New York where you can get drunk and take the subway home.

I Heart Walmart

This article from CNN discusses Walmart's next hurdle: its image. CEO Lee Scott claims he likes to talk with people who don't really like Walmart to try and make it better. Well, that's me.

I rarely go into Walmart, and when I do, I almost immediately regret it. Sort of like eating at McDonalds: in principle it seems likea great idea, but twenty minutes later after I've just chowed down a few double cheeseburgers, I get the runs.

Ok Mr. Scott, listen up. Maybe what I have to say won't work well in rural West Virginia, but you've conquered that territory years ago. Its my world you want, upper income suburbs. And this is what we hate:

Cleanliness:
Walmart is dirty. Very dirty. I know you can't do anything about getting your loyal clientel to shower more frequently, but at least keep the store clean. No dust bunnies, no grease on the carts, no wads of paper floating around the bathroom. Target is never dirty.

Space:
We've accepted that you are going to turn acres of open space into a giant parking lot and warehouse size store. So stop trying to save a few square feet and make the aisles bigger. Everytime I'm in Walmart, I only want to leave because everything is so tightly packed in there. Since you've already plowed under the farm, why not add a few thousand square feet to the store so I'm not tripping over extra super savings when I turn a corner.

Drop the Social Agenda:
You're a corporation, not an evangelist. Every corporation has some bad things to labor, the environment, and civil society, and while most have not destroy Main Street USA, even this can be overlooked.

But the reason I GO OUT OF MY WAY to avoid shopping at Walmart is the social agenda the corporation is pushing. RU-486? Censored CD coverart? Removing books from your shelves?

So you want to promote a "family atmospher". Right. Fine. You don't need to have end of aisle displays showcasing RU-486, but at least stock it behind the counter. Satan a little too much to but on the CD stand? Fine. Hide it behind the counter. Don't like the free press? Don't sell books. Its unacceptable that Walmart feels they should judge what I want or can purchase.

Drop this social nonsense and we'll gladly come to Walmart more often. Until then, you can find us in the Target.

Worst Buy: Generic Electronics?

Best Buy, the electronic retailer equivilant of Toys R Us, has been selling generic brand goods at its stores. Transforming from retailer to retailer & producer seems to be a pretty popular trend.

Barnes and Noble is notorious for now being a very large book publisher. Some of its competitors are refusing to carry books by subsidiary publishers recently bought by Barnes and Noble. And BN is also known for undercutting many competitors' books; take for instance the 9-11 Commission Report. BN was selling their paperback for almost half of the competing publishers' copy. They make up the difference because they are also a retailer.

So its not surprising Best Buy would want to get into consumer electronics considering what a huge market there is, especially for low end stuff. My encounters with Best Buy have never been good. 3 Seperate attempts to have a car stereo installed in a Honda Civic, being turned away each time, left this consumer a little jaded and without a cd player.

Best Buy of course are the same people who believe in firing customers. I feel like sending in a bunch of mail in rebates, and then returning the items right now.

Around the Office

Take It In The Rear
Today the building management sent us a round of memos requesting that we only accept deliveries in the rear of the building. Several times a week Fedex or UPS will bring us materials, since after all, this is a business.

We've already had a run in with a not to content UPS man. Now we're expected to varify that said delivery man has parked in the back, and perhaps refuse to accept any packages until he produces a sworn affidavit? Ok. No.

Salesman
Its not every day that aggressive sales people come looking to sell us things. But almost. Today's gentleman, who we nearly run into after returning from the men's room, asks for a business card, without introducing himself. Wait. You want my card? I don't even know what you're selling. When we ask what it is in regards to, instead of answering, he asks what our firm does. Shouldn't you know this before trying to sell me something I don't want?

Thanks, but no thanks.

Pavement
While the building management is exceptionally nitpicky [see Take It In The Rear above], they are also exceptionally cheap. Today they sent the maintainence guy out into the parking lot to patch the rotting pavement. He was using bags of tar soaked patch rather than actually asphault. Besides washing away in the next good rain, undoubtably it will also be tracked through the halls. The building management will have a fit. Better idea: hire a contractor to pave the parking lot.

Voting The American Way

Today while buying my morning cup of coffee, I did my civic duty and cast my vote. That's right, I bought my Kerry Coffee cup from 7-11.

Two other customers at the time were also buying 7-election cups, though for Bush. At first I was agitated, but then I realized how like the actually Presidential election this is: voters are probably to apathetic to realize they are picking a cup with Kerry or Bush on it.

The local 7-11 has two stations with cups. On one station [coincidentally, the left side], the stack of Kerry Cups was shorter. On the other side, the Bush cups were being used more. Was this an indication that people at different coffee stations were choosing different men for President? Well, probably not. Where Kerry was "winning", his cups were in front of the Bush cups. Where Bush was winning, his cups were in front.

But the real issue here, after last night's debate, is why does Kerry have cups when John Edwards does not?

Angry UPS Man

Walking back from a quick trip to the men's room, a UPS man asks me if [a company] is located in the building. There are a lot of companies in the building. I can't keep track of them, especially when several are registered to the same suite. I said as much.

In the most snide way possible, Angry UPS man says, "You don't work here?".

Well Angry UPS man, the next time I come to the [random office park] you work in, and ask you if [random company] is located in the building, you better fucking know.

Or I suppose I could have told him that no, in fact [the company] was not located in our office, but several offices down the road, making him later than he already was. But I didn't.

So Angry UPS man, don't take up your gripes with me, but instead, please direct them to your local union leader. Thanks. I hope your truck crashes into the Passaic river and you drown.

Boston Market Redux

As some of you may know, Boston Market has had it out for me since last December. Ever since I tried ordering the Tuesday night special of Atlantic Cod with new potatoes and green beans [and asking to subsitute those nasty sides with something actually ediable], I've had nothing but problems.

I wrote the bastion of the communist party [ever notice how much Red they have throughout their stores?] with my complaints and they wrote me back. They really screwed up and if anyone was disciplined [which I doubt, since all their managers act like small children without a babysitter], corporate BM thought when I said Somerset that I meant Plainfield. Fools. Anyhoo, they sent me a card for a free meal.

Refusing to go back to the Boston Market, I gave it to a friend, who in turn, had to argue for 10 minutes with the manager that in fact the card was genuine. He had ordered a meal, as per the card.

So its been months since I've visited a Boston Market. Today I went in because the boss requested it. The first thing I ordered they were out of. Worse yet, this was not my order but the whole reason I went in there in the first place: the Boss lady's lunch. They promised me they were out until their next shipment of supplies [as if they were on the North Pole, waiting for the first ship of spring].

Having forgotten my cellular phone, I actually used a payphone. A payphone! I didn't know New Jersey had any of these left. By the time the call was finished and I made it back to the Bostom Market, the manager was walking out with more freshly made [products]. Screw you BM.

The State University Ice Cream

Rutgers, the beloved state university of the Garden State, wants to develop an ice cream brand as a novelty for the school. Not only would the flavors be served in the dinning hall, but perhaps each college at the university would have its own unique flavor.

We have at least one flavor suggestion, to honor our favorite women's institution:

Very Hairy Vagina

Postal Service

At Target today I was preparing to spend 90 dollars and come home with nothing, so I figured I would spend another ten and pick up the Postal Service currently on sale. I have only heard vague things about them, but being told I should I own them, I decided I wanted to own them.

It wasn't a complete waste.

There is a hint of Ben Folds and the scent of The Rentals, but really the closest thing to Postal Service is Buelah, who frankly does a better job. Several songs also remind me of Video Killed the Radio Star, and there is some interpretted arcade tunes too. I like them for this. But overall I don't think they are doing anything paritcularly unique that other bands, like the Rentals, didn't / don't do better. Of course, the Rentals are not releasing any albums, but its not even a good substitute. And in the end Buelah is still better.

The Money Plot

CNN is reporting that the the new $50 bill will not scan into computers. Apparently, the government has manipulated private manufacturers of digital scanners, copiers, and software venders to include this technology.

When the new $20 came out, it was found to contain RFID [what's RFID?] tags that explode in the microwave. Could the government's secrete technology behind preventing counterfeiters be in these radio frequency tags? Of course, it could all just be software.

In theory, technology companies could have built scanners with RFID tag readers that could be triggered by the $50 RFID tag. Simple enough, and in most cases, the simplest answer is the right one. But what is disturbing to me is that companies built this techonology into products without telling consumers.

There has been a lot of talk about consumer products and RFID tags. Essentially, consumer watch groups are suggesting that RFID tags could be used in a devious manner and track consumers with their newly purchased goods even beyond the store. Microwaving products after you buy them has been showen to 'kill' the tags, but as in the above case with the $20 bill, sometimes it kills the product too.

Here is seems the government has overstepped itself, compelling technology companies to adopt certain requirements and further, intruding into citizen's homes with controversial, experimental equipment. What's worse, they never told anyone they were doing this [since presumably, this techonolgy has already been built into many products already in consumers' homes].

Perhaps we just need to stick with typewriters.