Babies as Accessories

What Happens When The Babies Go Out of Style? And Why Haven't They Already?

Suddenly its hip to be a parent. Maybe it was when Miranda on Sex and the City made it cool to be a Mom. Maybe the influx of urban babies is the result of folks finally understanding how suffocating raising children in the suburbs really can be. Maybe it was the rush of celebrity babies from Madonna to Britney. In either case, children are the latest fashion craze.

For instance, the once gritty neighborhoods of Chelsea have been overrun by strollers to the point where the gay community has taken to fleeing to parts of Harlem [Note to self: buy real estate in Harlem now]. Meanwhile, children have been causing a raucous wherever they go. The New York Times points to a bakery in Chicago where the owner was forced to put up a sign essentially warning children to shut the fuck up or get out. And some parents did.

It never seems to occur the new generation of urban parents that perhaps they should leave their children at home. Far too often, parents are under the impression that their child's shit doesn't stink, and that nobody minds that their child is wailing louder than the Sirens. Perhaps this is a response from the "me" centered generation that grew up in the 1980's. Unlike past generations of parents, today's young mom and dads never realized that having a child meant given up some of those simple pleasures-- like going out to eat or having the freedom to spend three hours shopping for a pair of new shoes.

Instead, parents are toting around their little poop machines and everyone else is expected to laugh and giggle at every adorable thing that comes spewing from the child's mouth.

The new generation of young parents are so self obsessed it is hard to imagine they decided to be parents for the right reasons. More likely, the new generation wanted to be parents not for the pure joy of child rearing, nor out of accidental conception, but because all their friends were doing it. Peer pressure has produced the next generation of American's brats.

But what exactly is going to happen to all these little tots when suddenly Mommy doesn't think it is so cute that her new blouse was ruined by sticky, candy covered fingers? Unlike a purse, or a pair of shoes, or a video game, when babies go out of style, they can't just be tossed into the nearest landfill [though be sure, someone will no doubt try that].

By the time today's toddlers hit their teen years, no doubt their parent's will have lost interest. And suddenly the children that were once dragged to every wine and cheese party and club opening their mothers' attended will be abandoned to discover the world on their own. Coke habit anyone?

Generations of the past have sacrificed and saved for their children. The great American dream, after all, is for each successive generation to be better off than the previous. Yet, today’s urban mommies are more focused on designer baby accessories than raising their children. Prada diapers would surely be a hot seller.

But the new generation has given up. Their money is for them, not their children. The luxury items they are buying are toys for themselves, not their infants. Indeed, the infants themselves are the toys of the young urban parent.

Perhaps though these toddlers will turn out okay. Maybe, abandoned by parents seeking personal gratification, the new generation will become self reliant. Perhaps even the counter culture of the next generation will embrace solid families and parenting. Perhaps, just maybe, they will understand the value of a babysitter.