Flying Sucks, So WhyTF is Everyone Still Doing It?
So we don't really like flying. Our childhood fantasy of becoming an astronaut sort of ended when we watched the challenger blow up sky high. Despite being 5 years old, we do in fact remember post crash reports about how some engineers at NASA had said the shuttle shouldn't fly, and that it was the President's encouragement that the special flight carrying a teacher go ahead anyway. We never liked Ronnie anyway.
But anyway, when we were 16 we read
Airframe
. We know its a book of fiction, but Michael Crichton has been known to base much of his fiction on fact. The important lessons to be learned: mechnical crews aren't paid enough to care whether a plane flys or falls; airlines have insurance, so they don't really care either.
So in either case, we don't really like flying, mostly because of the take-offs and the landings. This hasn't entirely stopped us mind you. We've flown a number of times, twice to Europe, plenty of times to Florida, from Nebraska to Boston, Boston to New York. Anyway, all of that fear of falling out of the sky aside, we still don't understand why people fly now.
We tend to think flying is overpriced; not by the airlines that seem to give you a pretty cheap flight, especially compared with say flying 50 years ago. Its the taxes, fees, and other things that airports charge, in some case half or more of the actual ticket price. Ok, so fear and price aside, why the fuck are people still flying?
Airlines are getting rid of free food, which is absurd since they trap on those tin cans for hours at a time. And the food you can buy sucks; no cookies or that sort of thing here, just fancy overpriced trail mix. And then there is the whole security thing, with strip searches and taking off your shoes and confiscating keepsakes and car keys. Three hours to check into an airport just to have your car keys taken away? WTF?
So like we said, price and fears aside, both of which we have and would overcome, we still can't understand why anyone is flying. What we think should happen:
All those high priced "security fees" should go to better, faster, less invasive security procedures. That is to say, a passenger should be able to show up five minutes before their flight and get on board their airplane. There should be no such thing as a security line: if there is a line then the government, the airport, or the airline should hire more security personel. Airports know how many passengers are flying on any given day, the least they can do is have security personel accomodate them. Also, instead of having 30 different kinds of security measures, figure out one that works best, and use it.
Hire people who can do the job. If McDonald's fired them, they probably shouldn't be working the security line at a major airport. What are we talking about? Car Keys are not a fucking switchblade!
Stop confiscating things that no one anywhere else in the world could be used as a weapon. Car keys, for the love of fucking christ, are not a weapon. In NJ, somebody can be charged with assault with a deadly weapon for punching someone else. So should we cut off every passengers arm from the wrist down? No. Are somebody's car keys going to allow them to hijack an airplane? No.
For all the talk about how safe this country is now, we sure seem to be a little overly cautious.
Also, what we'll say is this. If airport security is going to continue to be as foolish as to take away people's car keys, why hasn't someone come up with a better solution then simply hoarding all these personal affects in a giant government warehouse? Why not have a fedex envelope waiting for people who's $300 car keys are going to be taken away? A $15 dollar overnight postage fee is better than replacing expensive computer operated car keys. Or better yet, why not have the USPS mail it for free, since its a government agency and its the government taking these items away.
And as for airplane comforts: why take away in flight meals and replace them with mediocre sandwhiches and bags of trail mix? Many of the airlines have said that often they end up with uneaten food. So why not offer a menu to passengers to buy a meal before they get on an airplane? Surely somebody somewhere would be able to develop a system to let customers choose from a limited menu weeks before they got on an airplane, have the food prepared, frozen, and delivered to the right airplane. Or maybe not, since they still can't seem to keep track of people's luggage.
So in either case, we think everyone who puts up with this bullshit at airports is retarded. We'll be waiting for your hate mail.
But anyway, when we were 16 we read
Airframe
. We know its a book of fiction, but Michael Crichton has been known to base much of his fiction on fact. The important lessons to be learned: mechnical crews aren't paid enough to care whether a plane flys or falls; airlines have insurance, so they don't really care either. So in either case, we don't really like flying, mostly because of the take-offs and the landings. This hasn't entirely stopped us mind you. We've flown a number of times, twice to Europe, plenty of times to Florida, from Nebraska to Boston, Boston to New York. Anyway, all of that fear of falling out of the sky aside, we still don't understand why people fly now.
We tend to think flying is overpriced; not by the airlines that seem to give you a pretty cheap flight, especially compared with say flying 50 years ago. Its the taxes, fees, and other things that airports charge, in some case half or more of the actual ticket price. Ok, so fear and price aside, why the fuck are people still flying?
Airlines are getting rid of free food, which is absurd since they trap on those tin cans for hours at a time. And the food you can buy sucks; no cookies or that sort of thing here, just fancy overpriced trail mix. And then there is the whole security thing, with strip searches and taking off your shoes and confiscating keepsakes and car keys. Three hours to check into an airport just to have your car keys taken away? WTF?
So like we said, price and fears aside, both of which we have and would overcome, we still can't understand why anyone is flying. What we think should happen:
All those high priced "security fees" should go to better, faster, less invasive security procedures. That is to say, a passenger should be able to show up five minutes before their flight and get on board their airplane. There should be no such thing as a security line: if there is a line then the government, the airport, or the airline should hire more security personel. Airports know how many passengers are flying on any given day, the least they can do is have security personel accomodate them. Also, instead of having 30 different kinds of security measures, figure out one that works best, and use it.
Hire people who can do the job. If McDonald's fired them, they probably shouldn't be working the security line at a major airport. What are we talking about? Car Keys are not a fucking switchblade!
Stop confiscating things that no one anywhere else in the world could be used as a weapon. Car keys, for the love of fucking christ, are not a weapon. In NJ, somebody can be charged with assault with a deadly weapon for punching someone else. So should we cut off every passengers arm from the wrist down? No. Are somebody's car keys going to allow them to hijack an airplane? No.
For all the talk about how safe this country is now, we sure seem to be a little overly cautious.
Also, what we'll say is this. If airport security is going to continue to be as foolish as to take away people's car keys, why hasn't someone come up with a better solution then simply hoarding all these personal affects in a giant government warehouse? Why not have a fedex envelope waiting for people who's $300 car keys are going to be taken away? A $15 dollar overnight postage fee is better than replacing expensive computer operated car keys. Or better yet, why not have the USPS mail it for free, since its a government agency and its the government taking these items away.
And as for airplane comforts: why take away in flight meals and replace them with mediocre sandwhiches and bags of trail mix? Many of the airlines have said that often they end up with uneaten food. So why not offer a menu to passengers to buy a meal before they get on an airplane? Surely somebody somewhere would be able to develop a system to let customers choose from a limited menu weeks before they got on an airplane, have the food prepared, frozen, and delivered to the right airplane. Or maybe not, since they still can't seem to keep track of people's luggage.
So in either case, we think everyone who puts up with this bullshit at airports is retarded. We'll be waiting for your hate mail.
3 Comments:
It always amazes me that people expect to be fed on airplanes. Eat before you fly. Or eat after -- take your pick.
I ate lunch at noon today, and will probably have dinner around 6pm (a typical day for most people, I'm sure). That's six hours without a meal.
I guess if I were on an airplane for six hours without food, I probably would have died from starvation.
Sure, there are lot of things you could say about why you shouldn't need to eat on an airplane. But most americans eat between meals as often as they eat regular meals. And its not just us, the english have afternoon tea.
On top of that, many flights are during normal eating hours. And on top of that, thanks to what amounts to useless security delays, even a 5 hour trip is made 8 hours long with security checkpoints.
There are some other solutions, like bringing a snack, or a sandwhich in your carryon [unless a ham and cheese sandwhich could be used as a weapon...]
But the point is, you can't bring a microwave. You cant have hot food unless its served to you. And what we're saying is, microwaves have been around for 50 years. Frozen food for twice that long. If a website like seamlessweb.com can place delivery orders over the internet and have them delivered within an hour, an airline should fucking figure out how to take food orders from passengers so they never run out and never have too much. Charging a little extra for this could even turn some extra profit for them. So why are they charging $8 for dried fruit when they charge $15 for a hot meal thats pre ordered, frozen, and only requires a flight attendent to get it to the right seat?
Possibly because the flight attendants aren't there to service you and cook your dinner. They are trained to -- among other things -- direct you out of a burning airplane. Sure, they'll happily get you a drink or two, but piss them off and you won't get any. And serving a hot meal on a plane is a huge (and very costly) problem.
Your bringing your own snack solution is a good one. I hate when people stink up the cabin with their homemade food, but that's a minor inconvenience I have to put up with.
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