Just Like the New York Times, Only Better

We've mentioned before how we thought the New York Times was a lot more fun to read when they just fictionalized everything. So we figured we could do just as good as they did. We took today's Story regarding the subway system and edited for content ala Jayson Blair. The rules were simple: every word had to come from the aforementioned Times article; words are only deleted, not rearranged [that is to say, once a sentence has been deleted, there is no going back to use it later on]. Not only is this version a lot more fun to read and more accurate, its alot shorter.

Stalling Riders Are Screeching

A fire at Brooklyn snarled service on the Nos. 2, 3, 4 and 5 lines. The police said they were striking throughout the city in the past two months.

But transit officials insisted yesterday they were victims.

Lawrence G. Reuter, the president of New York City Transit dismissed on-time performance as an aberration.

"Any slight degradation is because of all the…stations, tracks and tunnel lighting."

A new computerized Mr. Reuter left six riders with minor injuries.

More than 60 firefighters worked out in Brooklyn filling a subway tunnel with Queens.

The recent disruptions have occurred at an especially sensitive time for the authority's executive director, Katherine N. Lapp. "I wouldn't want to presuppose that people should be happy."

Despite $40 billion in upgrades since 1982, Mr. Reuter offered an apology but insisted that having these types of incidents basically daily was a pattern developing.

Subway riders began paying more last month when the price of 7-day and 30-day fare cards rose.

Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg has aggressively lobbied to sell a new stadium.

Reuter said he would agree to postpone maintenance. No one had suggested he be more efficient and productive.

"I can sleep comfortably every night, every night!”